Death, divorce, diagnosis, disability—one crisis can torch your finances overnight. For women over 50, resilience isn’t a buzzword. It’s the difference between stability and starting over.
You’ve worked hard. Paid your dues. Finally, you can exhale deeply—or so you think. And then one of the Four D’s hits like one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, threatening to upend your financial security.
Death. Divorce. Disability. Diagnosis.
One life-altering event or bit of bad news, and all your plans go up in smoke. Your retirement fantasy? Poof. Gone. After a lifetime of lower earnings, caregiving responsibilities, and rising medical costs, now everything you’ve worked for feels out of reach.
Getting back on track isn’t about cutting out lattes or clipping coupons, either. It’s about survival mode and fighting tooth and nail for your security and sanity. It’s awful, unpleasant, and challenging. But there are steps you can take to get back up again.
Dealing with Death
Spoiler alert: Everyone dies. We all know that. But it’s convenient to forget when you want to enjoy life. You expect some deaths. Other times, death is an unexpected tidal wave. Life keeps you on your toes.
Hope Reger, 53, got a call that is every mother’s worst nightmare. “November 17, 2016, my son was murdered by his roommate. And so, over the next several months, as you can imagine as a mother, I was in shock, disbelief, overwhelmed with emotions,” Reger explained.
She could no longer function the way she used to. She took some time off work, eventually accepting a demotion. Mercifully, without a pay cut.
After the unimaginable news, she was immediately asked to pay up by funeral homes. Funerals aren’t cheap. The national median cost of a funeral with cremation was $6,280 in 2023. For funerals with a viewing and burial, the cost jumped to $8,300.
In this case, Reger had a life insurance policy on her son that paid for most of the funeral costs. After a lifetime of caregiving, Reger had to grieve not only her son but also her role.
“Was I going to sit in that darkness and … just give up? Or was I going to get out of bed and start to do something? I call it my devastation to determination period, and I had to figure out what all that meant,” she said.
In 2020, during the height of the pandemic, she found her purpose. Reger started Grief 2 Hope, a free virtual support program for anyone who’s grieving. If you’re in the depths of grief, navigating such a monumental loss, we offer our condolences. Time keeps moving on when it feels like you’re stuck. To help you move forward:
- Look into grief support groups like Grief 2 Hope
- Check to see if your spouse or loved one has a life insurance policy
- Research low-cost therapy options with Open Path Collective
- Obtain the death certificate and see if you qualify for the $255 death payment from Social Security
- Redo your budget to reflect the loss of income
- See if you’re the beneficiary on their financial accounts
- Consider downsizing, if necessary
Death, whether of a spouse, partner, or child, can be a gut punch to your finances. But it’s not the only ending to torch your finances. A divorce can also send shock waves to your financial stability.
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Navigating Divorce
Everyone gets married thinking this is forever (while the universe laughs and thinks “that’s cute.”) But there are no promises, and “gray divorce” may find you.
Any way you cut it, it’s going to hurt. You could move from double the income, double the fun, to single and suffering with dwindling savings. What do you do?
First, take stock of your assets or the ones you’re entitled to as part of the divorce. What income do you have right now from employment or Social Security? What assets or investments can you fall back on?
While raiding your retirement accounts is an option, it can have consequences. “One of the common mistakes that you can make in a divorce is maybe there’s a large IRA and you decide, ‘Oh, I’m going to take out some of this money because I need it.’ You’re going to have a 10% tax penalty if you’re under 59 and a half,” said Roxanne Alexander, Wealth Manager and Principal at Evensky & Katz/Foldes Wealth Management.
As a very last resort, there’s another option that might be available—with some caveats. “Some 401(k) plans allow loans, where you could take a loan out of the plans, usually up to about $50,000, but again, you’ve got to be working in order to pay yourself back,” explained Alexander.
If you’ve hit Social Security age, you may be able to access benefits on your ex-spouse’s record.
To help you get started managing your money solo:
- If you don’t already, have bank accounts in your own name
- Remove your ex as a beneficiary from your financial accounts
- Create a new budget based on your individual financial picture
- See a divorce lawyer and a certified divorce financial analyst
- Review existing income, expenses, and assets
Divorce can turn your finances upside down and it can take a while to get back on solid ground. Similarly, a disability can impact your ability to work and therefore your finances.
Disability
It’s a privilege to be able-bodied and of sound mind. One that many take for granted, until the unfortunate happens. Currently, 28.7% of adults in the U.S. have a disability. If you become disabled and can’t work, look into Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI) and apply if you qualify. For those who have disability insurance from their employer or from a private company, file a claim.
But here’s the downside: Benefits don’t kick in immediately.
“If you do have disability insurance, there’s usually an elimination period where you’re going to have to take care of yourself for a few months,” Alexander warned.
During this time, it’s essential to get support and figure out what’s next:
- Check out The American Association of People with Disabilities and The National Disability Rights Network
- Look into Social Security benefits
- Review local resources, such as financial counseling for people with disabilities in NYC
- Apply for Medicare/Medicaid and SNAP, if needed
Just like a disability can change your life overnight, so can a major diagnosis.
A Major Diagnosis
“You have cancer,” is a phrase nobody wants to hear. Replace cancer with some other malady, and the result is the same. You could be fighting for your life and to stay financially afloat.
In this event, it’s essential to review your health insurance coverage and any sick leave benefits at your employer. The unfortunate reality is that a good chunk of people who struggle with medical expenses file for bankruptcy.
Though it’s often a last resort, it is an option. Yes, it will appear on your credit report. No, it’s not forever. It will be there for seven to 10 years, depending on the type of bankruptcy. (Related: The Real Housewives of Medicare: Premiums, Penalties, and Plot Twists)
While your finances are important, getting better and managing your health should be your main priority. To help your situation:
- See if you can negotiate hospital bills
- Review potential financial hardship options or payment plans
- Check what your health insurance covers and what it doesn’t
- Evaluate if and how your diagnosis will impact your income and ability to work
- Look into disability options from your employer
- Scale back on non-essential spending
A diagnosis can be scary. But researching your options and getting your finances together can help you limit additional stress, so you can focus on healing.
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How to Be Financially Resilient After the Four D’s
After any of the Four D’s, it can be easy to fall into despair. And stay there. But eventually, by will or by force, you’ll have to pick up the pieces. Here’s how to be financially resilient:
- Adjust your expenses (and reality): You may have a loss of income and new expenses popping up and need to cut out things you once thought were necessary. Your life might not look like you wanted. Adjust your expenses to your new reality. While it’s nobody’s idea of fun, living within your means is a way to financially protect yourself now and in the future.
- Look for help: You don’t need to do this alone. Get support from friends, partners, family, a therapist, and support groups. Go to FindHelp.org to find free or low-cost resources in your area.
- Start fresh: Don’t compare your financial picture to your past. Start where you are. Set new goals based on your new circumstances.
- Talk to your creditors: If you can’t pay your bills or debt, Alexander suggested contacting your creditors. You may be able to negotiate or qualify for financial hardship programs.
- Get protection: Look into life insurance, disability insurance, and annuities as a way to safeguard your income. If your spouse passes away, check with their employer about a potential life insurance policy.
You don’t need to be happy about the 4 D’s. It sucks. But what you do have to do is take care of yourself. Just like you’ve spent a lifetime doing for others. Taking action can help you turn things around. Finding a community can offer support so you know that you’re not alone.
Side Bar
Resources for Life After the Four D’s
- Grief Support: Grief2Hope—Free seven-week virtual program for anyone navigating loss.
- Financial Help in Your Area: FindHelp.org—Search local free or low-cost support services.
- Divorce and Social Security Benefits: SSA FAQ—Learn if you qualify for benefits on a former spouse’s record.
- Disability Stats and Support: CDC Disability & Health—Facts and resources if illness or disability changes your income.
- Bankruptcy Basics: Experian—What happens to your credit record if medical bills or debt force a filing.
Because resilience isn’t just financial—it’s about knowing where to turn.
FINANCIAL DISCLAIMER
The information provided on PROVOKED is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute financial, legal, tax, or investment advice. SFD Media LLC and its contributors are not licensed financial advisors, investment advisors, brokers, accountants, or attorneys. You should consult with a qualified professional before making any financial decisions based on this content. While efforts are made to ensure the accuracy and timeliness of the information, SFD Media LLC makes no representations or warranties, express or implied, regarding its completeness, accuracy, or applicability to your individual circumstances. Reliance on any information from this site is solely at your own risk and discretion.
Melanie Lockert is a freelance writer with over a decade of experience covering a wide range of personal finance topics. Her work has been featured in Business Insider, CBS News MoneyWatch, Salon, Yahoo Finance, U.S. News & World Report, USA Today Blueprint, CNN Underscored, Fortune Recommends, and more.
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