How Long Does Intimacy Last?
Nobody should judge their intimate life by a kitchen timer. But if the period between the start of your arousals and cuddle session after the action is shorter than the heat-up time for a PopTart, you might wonder how you’re measuring up.
So, how long should intimacy last? It’s a complicated question to answer, partly because there isn’t much research on the topic. Also, experts don’t fully agree on what constitutes intimacy — and you also have your own definition.
Below, we’ll lay out the current data (and its limitations) on the average intimacy timing of a healthy man and share some ways to last longer for the guys who want intimacy to last as long as possible.
How Long Does Intimacy Last on Average?
Let’s get this right from the beginning: There’s no medically agreed-upon “correct” average intimacy time. No scientist in the world can prescribe you and your partner a right or wrong amount of time for doing the deed.
That said, some data exists that allows us to construct a potential framework for identifying an average duration of intimacy among humans, which some might find to be optimal. But, more on that in a moment.
First, some context. How long intimacy “should” last isn’t really something we can answer. Why? Partners don’t always have the same needs, preferences, warm-up times, or expectations. (And let’s be honest: Not everyone has endless time to spend being intimate.)
With intimacy among heterocouples, for instance, the female partner may require longer to finish — but she might also experience more discomfort the longer intimacy lasts.
Likewise, one partner might be inclined to achieve pleasure sooner, but may delay their release in order to please their partner.
That’s just a potential scenario to it break down. Other intimate acts may have entirely different ideal implied timeframes.
The Statistics on How Long Intimacy Lasts
In one study published in the Journal of Medicine, therapists found that (IELT) — the duration of a typical intimate session — lasts three to 13 minutes on average.
Once they had their average time range, the study’s researchers looked at satisfaction among both partners. They concluded that two minutes or less is considered too short (bummer), three to seven minutes is adequate for most (cool), seven to 13 minutes is desirable (sweet), and 10 to 30 minutes is too long (ouch).
Ultimately, some guys just don’t last that long during intimacy — a point confirmed by a study out of Japan focused on intimate actions in couples.
The women interviewed for the study disclosed that they desired an average intimacy time of 15.7 minutes, but the estimated average time spent for most couples was only 13.6 minutes. For the math guys in the room, that’s more than two minutes short of the desired click of the stopwatch.
The researchers noted two caveats: First, some couples have mismatched libidos, with varying levels of desire for each partner. Second, the researchers had no medical advice to offer the participants experiencing frequent dissatisfaction.
Another study that analyzed duration of activity found a wide variance. The research, from 2005, involved 500 couples and had participants time the intimacy duration using a stopwatch. The recorded times varied significantly, spanning from under a minute to 44 minutes. However, the average duration fell within the range of 3 to 7 minutes.
Factors That May Affect How Long Intimacy Lasts
Of course, not everyone experiences intimacy in the same way. While 13 minutes could feel great to some, that amount of time might be painfully long for others — or not even close to long enough to get them started.
Several prominent variables can affect a person’s ideal intimate time.
How You Define Intimacy
We all get that sometimes it’s supposed to be fast. But there’s not necessarily universal agreement about whether intimacy also includes the texting, flirting, and other intimate activities that comes first. This is why it’s crucial to discuss not just longer intimacy but the definition of intimacy itself.
Here’s a little intimacy education: Intimacy is typically understood to be the normal act of being intimate — but this definition is mostly limited to hetero couples. IELT refers to the time intimate actions. It is often used in studies to measure how long intimacy lasts.
But therapists and experts in the field will immediately remind you that intimacy isn’t just about one action.
You and your partner can experience plenty of pleasurable activity without ever doing that specific deed. Adult toys, mutual solo-time, and a long list of other activities stand to give everyone involved the satisfaction they crave.
To make matters more complicated, many people don’t separate “everything else” from the intimacy when defining the act. In other words, when you hear someone talking numbers at a party, you’d have to ask creepy follow-up questions to actually glean useful information about how they define intimacy.
Age
While you may expect age to be a factor in how long intimacy lasts, you might be surprised to learn that being older doesn’t actually reduce your average duration. In short, old guys don’t cum faster, so to speak.
In fact, there’s some evidence suggesting that PE is less common in older men, but we’re not going to get into that today.
We’ll leave it at this: Although the older guy may have trouble getting the rocket to achieve liftoff, he’s theoretically less likely to have it explode before it hits the atmosphere.
PE
Intimacy are sometimes cut short due to a condition known as PE. It’s one of the most common dysfunctions affecting men, along with ED Some estimates put the rate of men affected by PE as high as 39 percent. But we can safely presume that shame, social stigma, and other factors probably lead to underreporting of these numbers, preventing accurate data from being compiled.
The science is out about how and why exactly PE happens, but research suggests that it is mainly driven by psychological factors. Other factors, such as prostate problems, abnormal hormone levels, or serotonin issues could be the culprit, too.
Likewise, depression, performance anxiety, stress, and lack of confidence can contribute to dysfunction.
Tips for Longer-Lasting Intimacy
The desire to deal with PE is totally valid.
Sadly, there are no known PE “cures.” However, research has some encouraging data to support a few medications, techniques, and other strategies for lasting longer in bed.
Here’s what might help:
- Topical treatments. Benzocaine wipes, sprays, and other topical numbing solutions can be used to reduce sensitivity in your privates and help you last longer.
- SSRI medication. Taking SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) might delay pleasure for some men. One study found that these medications, which are used to treat depression and anxiety, successfully improved PE problems over a four-week period.
- The start-stop method. The start-stop technique may help you achieve better intimacy without medication. It involves doing the deed right up until pleasure, pausing before you ejaculate, then continuing.
- Kegel exercises. Kegels are pelvic floor exercises that can help build stamina and control by strengthening pelvic floor muscles.
- The squeeze technique. This method involves literally squeezing the tip of your privates when you’re about to finish and continuing to do so for 30 seconds until the desire to pleasure subsides.
- Open communication. Communicating with your partner can involve discussing desires during and outside of bedroom activities or just admitting your fears. It can also help you both get the satisfaction you crave.
- A mixed bag of tricks. Seriously, everything related to intimacy and numbing creams for PE can help you run out the clock just a little longer.
How Long Should Intimacy Last? The Bottom Line
There are various PE treatments that can extend your intimacy session for a few extra minutes or longer. But while intimate function is an important part of satisfaction, we’re still pretty sure communication is number one.
Want to make your partner’s intimate life better? Here’s what to talk with them about when you bring up this topic:
- There’s no official average time intimacy should last. This is because intimacy is a collection of experiences that often extend beyond just one action.
- Communication is key. Communicating with your partner about what you each do and don’t enjoy is essential to good intimacy and potentially lasting longer.
- Help is available. Medication, techniques, numbing topicals, and toys are all great ways to fudge the numbers, get your partner off, and take the focus off your stamina.
Make no mistake: Better, longer-lasting intimacy is yours to be had. You just have to take the actions to get it. Get advice from a medical professional to see what your options are.
Related:
- The 7 biomarkers every man should know for better health
- Once you start testosterone therapy, can you stop?
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This article originally appeared on Hims.com and was syndicated by MediaFeed.org
