Steps to Take When Home Care Isn’t Working
When home care is no longer enough for your parent, the next step is to reassess their needs and explore other care options. It can be confusing and emotional. Maybe your loved one’s health has changed, caregiving feels overwhelming, or you’ve noticed inconsistencies in the care they’re receiving from others. Whatever the reason, you’re not alone. These five steps can help you assess what’s not working, involve your parent in decisions, and find the right level of support — whether that means enhancing care at home or exploring other senior living options.
Key Takeaways
- It’s common for adult children to feel sad, anxious, or even guilty, as they take a more active role in their parent’s care.
- Identifying what’s causing your concern is the first step to addressing problems with home care.
- Honest, open conversations with your parent, family, and health care professionals can lead you to the right type of senior care.
- Live-in home care, assisted living, memory care, and skilled nursing are all effective alternatives when home care is no longer enough.
1. Recognize the signs that home care isn’t enough
When home care doesn’t seem to meet your loved one’s needs anymore, it can trigger feelings of confusion and worry. Understanding why things aren’t working — and how your parent’s needs have changed — is the first step toward finding better support. Although you may not know exactly what’s behind your sense that home care’s not working, it’s important to trust your instincts.
Lindsey O., whose mother started out receiving care in her home and later moved to assisted living and then to skilled nursing, knew something wasn’t right when her mom began to withdraw from family.
“We’d see her often, run errands for her, and do things to help her. But we didn’t realize she was actively hiding her challenges from us. She started to pull away and didn’t seem to want us to come over. Later, I found out that was because it had become too difficult for her to bathe herself,” she recalls.
You’re worried about your parent
You may notice that your parent’s health or mood has shifted. Maybe they’re falling more, skipping medications, becoming more forgetful, or showing other signs that they need more help. These changes can be alarming and acknowledging that your parent may no longer be able to thrive or live safely with home care can cause you to feel sad, fearful, or even guilty.
You’re overwhelmed as a family caregiver
Caring for the person who used to care for you can be overwhelming. Many caregivers experience stress, exhaustion, or guilt for not being able to “do it all.” Recognizing these emotions doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means your parent’s needs have changed, and that more care is needed to meet them.
You’re unsure about the quality of home care they’re receiving
Maybe your loved one’s in-home caregivers are changing too often, or communication with their home care agency isn’t as effective as it could be, or you’re concerned about your parent’s comfort or health. You deserve to trust the people caring for your loved one. If that trust is fading, it may be time to explore new care arrangements.
Lindsey recalls the overwhelm she felt at the time. “I had two small children, a full-time job, and it was madness. The home care agency would send a really great person, and then the next time, it would be someone who wasn’t so great. And, even though we were paying for help, I was still doing so much because we didn’t have the money to pay for the amount of care she needed.”
The cost of home care has increased
As a senior’s care needs grow, so does the cost of hourly in-home care. Many families decide to move their loved one to a residential care community when the cost of home care exceeds the cost of local assisted living and memory care communities, or even nursing homes.
That was the case for Lindsey’s family. “We had someone come in and help my mom with bathing and minor housekeeping, but she wasn’t comfortable with having someone help her bathe, and the cost was prohibitive,” she says.
2. Ask your parent how they feel about their care
As your parent’s abilities change, you may find yourself guiding more of the decision-making. This represents a major emotional change for both of you. To preserve your loved one’s independence and dignity, talk with them about how you’re feeling. Ask how they feel about the care they’re receiving and what matters most to them.
Approach these talks with patience and empathy, focusing on comfort and safety rather than limitations. Ask about what’s working for them and what isn’t, and keep in mind that many seniors don’t want to inconvenience their family members, so they might not share a lot about what problems they’ve had with home care.
“It was really my mom who came up with the idea of assisted living,” Lindsey says. “From her perspective, she’d at least have some consistency and continuity of caregivers and would be getting full-time care for the same or less than she was paying for part-time home care.”
3. Learn from other families’ senior care experiences
Navigating care decisions alone can heighten feelings of stress or isolation. Have open and honest conversations with your family about finances, responsibilities, and next. Sometimes, simply sharing how hard it feels to “parent your parent” can relieve the emotional weight of caregiving.
Online support groups are also rich with stories and advice about how family caregivers cope with caring for their elderly loved ones.
The most important thing, Lindsey says, is to find people who have been where you are and who are willing to share their experiences. “I was in my late 30s at the time,” she recalls. “I didn’t have anyone in my circle of friends to ask, and I’m an only child. My husband and I were the first in our peer group to experience the decline of a parent. We just didn’t know how to navigate it.”
4. Talk with professionals about your parent’s needs
Professionals who have experience working with older adults can help you understand what’s happening with your parent and what next steps to take to ensure they get the care and support they need. Additionally, having a third party objectively evaluate your loved one can relieve some of the pressure on you, especially if you’re the primary caregiver in the family.
Talk with:
- Your parent’s doctor, who can identify new or worsening health conditions.
- A social worker or geriatric care manager, who can help assess daily living needs and recommend support services.
- An elder law attorney, who can guide you through financial and legal decisions tied to long-term care.
In Lindsey’s case, an elder law attorney was her saving grace. “We got a recommendation to speak to an elder law attorney. He looked at my mom’s medical status and immediately asked, ‘Why isn’t she in skilled nursing?’” That question changed the course of Lindsey’s mom’s care in a good way.
In short order, Lindsey’s mom was evaluated for skilled nursing and moved into a local nursing home.
5. Research alternatives to home care
If home care doesn’t meet your loved one’s care needs, there are many other options.
- Live-in home care. One or more caregivers live with your parent and provide support, companionship, and care in a familiar setting.
- Assisted living. These communities provide housing, meals, help with activities of daily living (ADLs), and health care services in settings that are designed to balance independence with support.
- Memory care. For seniors living with Alzheimer’s or other forms of dementia, memory care offers a secure, structured environment with trained staff and specialized programs.
- Skilled nursing. Licensed nurses and other health care professionals provide round-the-clock clinical care to seniors who have complex medical needs.
Recognizing that home care is no longer enough is never easy, but it’s a powerful act of love and protection. By taking these steps, you’re ensuring your parent receives the care and dignity they deserve, while giving yourself permission to share the load.
Lindsey agrees. “I think one of the things my mom really benefited from was my active involvement, which was very difficult to balance at times. She had someone on the outside to advocate for her. And truthfully, when a facility knows that someone is very actively engaged, I think there’s a difference in the care they provide.”
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This article originally appeared on Aplaceformom.com and was syndicated by MediaFeed.org
