The next time you’re scrolling through Spotify to find music to vacuum your living room to, try this experiment – look at the names of some of the more popular artists. If you’re baffled by the fact that they ever got a record deal, welcome to the club. We don’t get it either.
What follows is a list of 15 musical luminaries who got record deals for reasons we can’t fathom. Some of them have had long careers spanning decades and others mercifully disappeared after one album, but one thing’s for sure – “American Idol” has a lot to answer for.
Image Credit: Depositphotos.com.
1. William Hung
William Hung is proof that it doesn’t always pay to be good at what you do. While the “American Idol” 2004 alumnus was treated like a punchline for his rendition of Ricky Martin’s “She Bangs,” the good people at Koch Entertainment clearly believed that the bad publicity would translate into big dollars for the record company, and they signed him.
Image Credit: Wikimedia Commons/ Brad Gocken.
2. Paris Hilton
We hate to cast aspersions on Paris Hilton and imply that she got her record deal solely through family connections. Having said that, we’re having a hard time isolating any other reason why her lone album, 2006’s “Paris,” even exists. At the same time, it hit number six on the Billboard chart so maybe the joke’s on us.
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3. David Hasselhoff
David Hasselhoff has been in the public eye for so long that jokes about him are no longer even funny, yet it still boggles the mind that he’s a popular singer, in Germany or anywhere else. Yes, “Baywatch” kept him in the public eye for many years, which explains some portion of his popularity, but otherwise, the public acceptance of him as a recording artist is a mystery.
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4. Insane Clown Posse
The Detroit-based Insane Clown Posse is a group whose members, Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope, wear clown makeup. They play music best personified by the song “Miracles,” which is literally the stupidest piece of music you will ever hear. Wait for the part about magnets if you’re skeptical.
Image Credit: Flickr/Amaury Laporte.
5. Vanilla Ice
Vanilla Ice’s “Ice Ice Baby” from his debut LP “To the Extreme” was an inescapable radio hit when it was released in 1990, thanks mostly to its bass line, which was from Queen’s “Under Pressure.” One wonders why they didn’t just reissue “Hot Space,” the Queen album on which “Under Pressure” appears, rather than give this guy a record deal. Vanilla Ice’s second LP, 1994’s “Mind Blowin,’” did not chart.
Image Credit: DIY Network / IMDB.
6. Nickelback
If you spent any time on social media in the past decade, you might have noticed a wealth of content devoted entirely to hating on the Canadian band Nickelback. Honestly, we can explain that about as well as we can explain how they ever got a record deal. In our esteemed opinion, the music of Nickelback is too relentlessly mediocre to deserve either a major label record deal or the universal scorn and derision heaped upon them on the Book of Faces.
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7. Creed
Creed traffics in a lot of the same bro rock clichés as their contemporaries Nickelback, leaving us similarly confused as to why anyone felt the need to sign them and throw money at them. Lead singer Scott Stapp has a deeply goofy baritone voice that further deepens the mystery of why anyone would sign them.
Image Credit: Wikimedia Commons/Janusmusicmgmt.
8. Taylor Hicks
Taylor Hicks won the fifth season of “American Idol,” so it’s not a complete mystery how he ended up with a record deal. Having said that, he’s been completely forgotten in the years since he won, and it’s very likely that he’s less famous than fellow “Idol” alumnus William Hung.
Image Credit: Wikipedia Commons/Jyle Dupuis.
9. Kevin Federline
Kevin Federline, who one assumes was called K-Fed by people who were pressed for time, earned his record deal the old-fashioned way – he was married to Britney Spears, for whom he was once a backup dancer, and one thing led to another until he had a contract to sign. His debut album, “Playing with Fire,” came out in 2006 and sold poorly, and he’s never made another one since.
Image Credit: WikimediaCommons/Gage Skidmore.
10. Ashlee Simpson
We don’t want to say that Ashlee Simpson only got a record deal because Jessica Simpson is her sister. We really don’t. We will, however, observe that when she appeared on “SNL” in 2004 and was caught lip-syncing, demand for further Ashlee Simpson product seemed to evaporate overnight a la Milli Vanilli. She hasn’t made another album since 2008.
Image Credit: Wikimedia Commons/Eva Rinaldi.
11. Bobby McFerrin
Bobby McFerrin makes music by slapping and pounding his torso as he sings, something that might have made a good gimmick for one album. Instead, he made 14. While he seems like a decent guy and we bear him no ill will, “Don’t Worry Be Happy” is one of the worst songs ever recorded, and we will never understand what compelled the good people at Elektra Records to bankroll him.
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12. Mr. Mister
In the 1980s, it was acceptable to wear a trench coat with the sleeves rolled up and sing horrible songs like “Broken Wings.” Doing exactly that brought much success to Mr. Mister when they released their 1985 album “Welcome to the Real World.” It was bad then and it’s unforgivable now, but maybe you can watch the video for “Kyrie” on YouTube and turn it into some kind of drinking game.
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13. The Beach Boys
There are some who believe that the music of the Beach Boys is some of the finest ever recorded and that their towering musical achievements deserve to stand alongside those of the Beatles. There are also some who think all they ever made was dumb teenybopper music whose longevity cannot be explained. Whoever gave them their record contract should have taken it away after “Kokomo.”
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14. Bruce Springsteen
If enough people tell you you’re brilliant, you will start to believe it, and sadly Bruce Springsteen has always believed his own working-class troubadour schtick. His status as a critics’ delight is puzzling, but nowhere near as puzzling as the fact that people will pack stadiums to hear him warble tunelessly for three hours.
Image Credit: Depositphotos.com.
15. Lindsay Lohan
If you’re a fledgling musician and you’re frustrated with your career’s lack of progress, there’s one thing you can do to reverse your fortune overnight – become a famous teenager. This is likely why Casablanca Records signed Lindsay Lohan in 2004, when she was still a beloved and wholesome teen star. We’d like to say they signed her for her spectacular four-octave vocal range, but she doesn’t have one.
This article was produced and syndicated by MediaFeed.
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