What does it take for an album to achieve classic status? Generally speaking, a consensus must coalesce around it, an unspoken understanding among thousands of listeners across several decades that this specific 33 1/3 RPM piece of vinyl is worth playing repeatedly.
Sadly, not all albums with “classic” status deserve it. Some were released during a period that favored them, and once that era has passed, they don’t hold up. Here are our nominations for ten “classic” albums that don’t deserve the accolade. They may have a few good songs, even great ones, but the overall package needs work.
1. The Rolling Stones – ‘Exile on Main St.’ (1972)
Upon its release, “Exile on Main St.” was considered a dud by some music critics. This was followed by a period of reappraisal in which it became lionized as a masterpiece, but the critics had gotten it right the first time. It’s twice as long as it needs to be, and while it features bona fide masterworks like “Tumbling Dice” and “Loving Cup,” it’s bogged down with filler material that makes you wonder why they bothered.
2. Pink Floyd – ‘The Wall’ (1979)
Speaking of too long by half, Pink Floyd’s “The Wall” is considered a masterpiece by many, but when you hit side four of this double album, you may start crying “uncle.” A concept album about an emotionally alienated rock star, it straight-up repeats songs, such as “In the Flesh?” and “In the Flesh.” While it has such songs as “Comfortably Numb” and “Another Brick in the Wall, Part 2” to keep listeners in the game, it simply drags on too long for its own good.
3. Metallica – ‘Metallica’ (1991)
Metallica’s self-titled 1991 album, known to fans as “The Black Album,” was a massive seller upon release and still is today, selling 30 million copies worldwide. It’s ridiculously long, clocking in at over an hour, and some of the songs are entirely forgettable. The years have not been kind to this record, and if you haven’t heard it some time, go back and listen to “Enter Sandman.” It’s boring and goes on forever!
4. Van Halen – ‘Diver Down’ (1982)
After a few impressive albums, the HMS Van Halen hit an iceberg in 1982 with this album. Almost half of it consists of cover songs, and the original compositions are well below their usual standards. It’s also really short at just 31 minutes, and people who have seen the movie “Annie Hall” will recognize this complaint as a close relative of, “The food here is terrible. And such small portions!”
5. The Beatles – ‘Let It Be’ (1970)
Recorded while the Fab Four were not getting along, “Let It Be” features uninspired performances of mediocre songs that indicate the band was right to break up. To make matters worse, the band didn’t use George Martin as producer, the man who had guided them on their other albums. Instead, they gave the honor to Phil Spector, who overproduced it beyond recognition. Spector died in prison after being found guilty of second-degree murder in the 2003 killing of actor Lana Clarkson.
6. Led Zeppelin – ‘Led Zeppelin II’ (1969)
Led Zeppelin followed their 1969 debut album with the creatively-titled “Led Zeppelin II.” The record starts with “Whole Lotta Love,” considered one of their greatest songs, but it takes a precipitous nosedive in quality after that and never recovers until the final song, “Bring It on Home.” This record is considered a blueprint for hard rock and heavy metal, but actually listening to the whole thing feels like algebra homework.
7. The Police – ‘Synchronicity’ (1983)
Released at the height of the Police’s popularity, “Synchronicity” topped the US Billboard chart and stayed there for 17 weeks. Side one had some good tunes, but side two was where we could see “bassist and vocalist Sting” turn into “pretentious solo artist Sting,” who began releasing a string of godawful adult-contemporary albums and practicing tantric lovemaking with his wife.
8. Sonic Youth – ‘Daydream Nation’ (1988)
Sonic Youth made unique music that no one since has replicated successfully. Their 1988 double LP “Daydream Nation” was hailed by fans and critics as an ambitious masterpiece, but like many other sprawling, epic albums, half of it is tuneless and meandering and goes on for way too long. Also, Kim Gordon may be an icon, but she cannot carry a tune to save her life, and listening to her singing can be physically painful.
9. Rage Against the Machine – ‘Rage Against the Machine’ (1992)
Upon its release, Rage Against the Machine’s self-titled debut was hailed as a masterpiece of political rage that seamlessly fused heavy metal with hip-hop. Thirty years later, it sounds like a group of disaffected teenagers for whom the greatest injustice is that their mommy wants them to go out and mow the lawn. Suicidal Tendencies did this schtick much better a decade earlier with “Institutionalized,” and they only took up four minutes of your time to do it.
10. Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young – ‘Déjà Vu’ (1970)
When folkie icon Neil Young joined forces with Crosby, Stills & Nash, many people wondered why, since their musical styles are as compatible as chocolate and beer. The first album they produced, “Déjà Vu,” was hailed as an immortal classic, but today it’s more accurate to describe it as a repository for such atrocious songs as “Our House” and “Teach Your Children,” the latter of which is so sanctimonious it beggars belief.
