You know the deal. Fall is a re-set, a chance to step back and take stock. What do you see? Some things have gone well this year. Other things, not so much. But we still have time to make changes that can turn it all around. Which means it’s time to clean out the Emotional Junk Drawer.
Your EJD is that place in your mind where you shove stuff that doesn’t seem to fit anywhere else. For the record, I believe that having an Emotional Junk Drawer is healthy, as long as you open it and sort the contents periodically. Otherwise your EJD can overflow, and start taking over other surfaces and cupboards in your psyche. This can happen so slowly that you don’t notice, and then one day, BOOM! You suddenly wake up in an Emotional Junk House, which, I’m no therapist, but I think we can all agree is not a good place to live.
In any case, what the contents of your EJD have in common is that they feel private, maybe even scary. But you know how cleaning out a messy space works: first we sort, then we strategize, then we act.
So let’s start by separating fears and anxieties from everything else in your EJD. They could be about certain people in your life, or about yourself, the path you’re on, the choices you’re making. You might be scared to get your next mammogram, for example. Or you might not know how to handle the massive stress of caregiving all the teens and elders in your life. In any case, bring these things to your therapist and/or other health professionals. They’re trained to handle this stuff, and they’ve heard it all before, so there’s nothing you can say that will shock them. You don’t want to neglect your mental and physical health, and you don’t need to carry those burdens alone. You deserve to be well-supported in this area, so don’t hold anything back when you talk to them. You can start by saying, There’s something on my mind that I don’t know how to talk about. They can probably guide you from there.
Now that those have been assigned a new space, let’s look at grievances. Hoo boy, these can add up! Teens who are rude to you, work managers that yell at you, the list goes on. It could even be as simple as a friend who constantly dumps their bad mood on you, without reciprocating any type of support. You have two choices here. One, you can simply let it go. This is not capitulation if it’s done strategically. Sometimes you can re-center yourself, regain your perspective, and everything smooths out again. But OK, if you can’t do that, then choice number two is to use your Power Voice and speak up for yourself. In a calm but firm tone, you can say something like, I don’t love the way you’re speaking to me right now. Can you find another way, please? Being direct in this way is not mean. It’s a boundary that you are drawing for yourself. It sends a signal that you won’t accept being treated badly. If they don’t understand your signal, walk away and give them time to think about it. Don’t engage until they have changed their tone.
Lastly, let’s look at the things you keep way down at the bottom of the EJD, namely, your secret dreams. I understand why you do this, because they have real power, the power to change everything. They might be longings for a different type of life, or one that you had in the past, or one that you’ve been working toward but haven’t yet achieved. But let’s get real. Have you outgrown any of them? If so, can they be tailored to fit who you are now, or re-purposed for use at this time? If not, then throw them out immediately. You can grieve a little, if you must, but not for too long. This is about forward motion.
Now with the ones that remain, the ones that you can’t let go of, you only need to do one thing to clean them out of your EJD: tell someone! Someone you trust, who won’t laugh. Preferably someone who is a good strategist, practical but ambitious in their problem-solving. Book some dedicated time with them, and jump right in with something like, I’m so glad we get to hang out today, because I appreciate the way that you listen without judging. So here goes! I have this dream that won’t go away… Sharing your dreams with the right person can inspire you to take a step in that direction. To paraphrase Enya, one step could be your whole journey.
Fully cleaning your Emotional Junk Drawer may take longer than you think, longer than you want. But please don’t wait. Do you notice something about this process? It requires you to speak about your needs. Talking to the people around you is the solution, and it can lead to sometimes scary but often wonderful moments of growth, change and transformation. More and more I’m convinced that embracing new eras is the secret to living well, living the way we want and deserve to. One step, mama. Go.
DISCLAIMER: The information contained in this Womancake Magazine article is intended for informational purposes only, and is not intended for the purpose of diagnosing, treating, curing or preventing any illness, including mental illness. Before using any products referenced in this piece, consult your healthcare providers, read all labels and head all cautions that come with the products. Information received from this piece, or anywhere in this magazine, should not be used in place of a consultation or advice from a healthcare provider. If you suspect you have any adverse conditions, please consult your healthcare providers immediately. This magazine, including Alicia Dara and any other writers or editors, disclaim any responsibility from any possible adverse effects from the use of any information contained herein. Opinions of any guests or contributors in this magazine are their own, and the magazine does not accept responsibility for statements made by guests or contributors. This magazine does not make any representations or warranties about a guest’s qualifications or credibility.Related:
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This article originally appeared on WomanCake.com and was syndicated by MediaFeed.co
